Getting used to life as a new parent comes with a unique set of challenges.
But often overlooked is how partners often find intimacy and sex post-childbirth intimidating, with so many physical and emotional changes taking place.
WATCH NOW: MAFS Jessika Power talks sex toys and leaving vibrators on the floor. Article continues after video.
Speaking with New Idea, sexologists Christine Rafe and Cam Fraser from sexual wellness brand WeVibe say that sex between partners after childbirth “doesn’t have to be daunting.”
“You may find that certain types of touch and other ways you had previously felt desire and arousal have changed,” says Christine.
“Use this as an opportunity to get curious about what senses support your desire and arousal, and be open to learning new ways to experience pleasure.”
“Don’t feel alarmed if you’re not experiencing genital touch the way you used to. If something is concerning you, speak with your treating practitioner for support.”
Brand Director Cecile Gasnault, of fellow sexual wellness brand Smile Makers is on the same vibe, telling New Idea that there is no “normal” time to resume sexual activity.
“Childbirth and parenthood can impact people differently in their physical and emotional health. Don’t feel pressured to resume sex because your doctor told you you could after 12 weeks.”
Cecile instead suggests taking a “holistic” approach to sex and intimacy.
“Frame this as an opportunity to build a new sex life together instead of going back to the old routine.”
“Pregnancy and childbirth impact a person’s pelvic anatomy and therefore, can have consequences on how that person experiences pleasure.”
“Resuming sex after childbirth is about a discovery journey to explore how you feel pleasure. Why not make it playful?”
So, whilst speaking with our experts, we had to ask – is there one best way to return to sex postpartum?
Surprisingly, the answer is no.
“It is important for partners to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and expectations,” says Cam.
“They may need to take things slow and be patient with each other. It’s important for new dads to communicate their concerns with their partner and seek support from a healthcare provider, therapist, or father’s group if needed.It can also be helpful to explore non-penetrative forms of sexual intimacy, such as kissing, touching, and oral sex, to ease back into sexual activity.”
Another way for partners to ease back into intimacy is through the use of sex toys.
“We Vibe’s Touch X is a great option to explore external stimulation while keeping you in control of vibrations,” suggests Christine.
“For something with a little more intensity, the We-Vibe Melt utilises patented Pleasure Air Technology to provide clitoral suction. If partnered play is what you’re going for, We-Vibe’s Moxie and Bond are perfect for partners to use on each other, or even via a Smartphone app if in two different locations.
“I always recommend using lubricant, like Lovehoney Enjoy Water-based Lubricant, no matter what life stage, but breastfeeding and other hormonal changes during and post-birth can cause changes in vaginal lubrication and some can experience dryness which can lead to friction and discomfort during sexual activities, making lubricant all the more important.”
Cecile at Smile Makers is also a huge advocate of lubricant.
“Hormonal changes, stress, and exhaustion can cause vaginal dryness and scarring might make genital stimulation extra sensitive. Lubricant can help alleviate pain and discomfort and we recommend using it even for external stimulation.”
Given this, Cecile created a clitoral vibrator – The Whisperer – “with and for mothers” that features a curved tip to “stimulate the glans of the clitoris, its most sensitive part, from all angles.”
“The reason we chose to do that is because clitoral stimulation is the most effective to drive pleasure for people with vulvas. If people are short on time, we might as well maximize their chances of having a great time!” Cecile told us.
“We also selected a super smooth and flexible body-safe silicone to cater to heightened sensitivity due to scarring. The Whisperer creates a very gentle touch on the vulva and is whisper-quiet.”
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